


Not While I’m Around

by funnygirlthatbelle13



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Cuddling, F/M, Multi, Nightmares, The Inherant Angst of Caleb Widogast
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2020-06-26 03:46:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19759945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/funnygirlthatbelle13/pseuds/funnygirlthatbelle13
Summary: Caleb isn’t troubled by his dreams... except when he is. And when a nightmare sends him to seek comfort from his goblin mom, the consequences are far kinder and wide-reaching than he expected.





	Not While I’m Around

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, you guys! So this is my very first CR fanfic. I’ve spent the entire summer so far trying to catch up and I’m super super close, but I couldn’t wait to write this once it popped into my head.

He didn’t use to dream. As a boy, he had been puzzled by everyone around him waking up remembering these strange occurrences in the night. Imagining stuff wasn’t a subconscious thing he could do; it took time and thought. The first dream he remembered even having was during his first year of school, and that had been about kissing the lips that had so many times smirked at him from across the library. 

But that had been many years ago. Ever since he became himself again, he had dreams fairly regularly. He dreamt of learning spells he had once loved, of being able to protect his friends when danger crossed their path, of the Nein going to meet his parents, of Marion Lavorre convincing his mother to try on one of her old dresses and it fitting perfectly. 

This dream began in a very similar fashion. His parents had seemingly contacted Jester and the three of them (with help from the rest of the Nein, of course) had managed to plan a massive surprise party for his birthday. His childhood home was filled to the brim with all of his favorite people. Fjord and Orly were sitting in a corner sharing stories of their time at sea. Shakaste was making the Grand Duchess fly around the room for Frumpkin to chase as he listened to Caliana tell a story. Twiggy and Kiri were playing together, Yasha keeping a close eye on them as they played with their dolls while simple ultaneously beating Keg in an arm wrestling match. The dwarven woman was so preoccupied with her loss, she failed to notice Nott tearing a button off of her pack. Caduceus did, but did not move from where he, Neela, and Marion sat near the fireplace sipping tea close to where Mollymauk was reading his father’s fortune. 

As his eyes darted around the room, observing these bizarre interactions, the cake appeared from the kitchen. From where he sat, Caleb could barely see Beau, Jester, and his mother lifting the massive dessert. They set it down on the table, where he was able to get a better look at it. There were flowers painted in the frosting all around the edges of this behemoth of a cake. On the inside, red icing spelled out “Happy Birthday, Caleb” in Common. Beneath it in blue was another message, this time written in Zemnian: “Happy Birthday, Bren.” 

“Ready, everybody?” his mother asked, smile lines crinkling around her eyes as she addressed the large group. Marion hummed a starting pitch, and the whole party began to sing.

_ Happy birthday to you.  _

_ Happy birthday to you.  _

_ Happy birthday, dear Caleb.  _

_ Happy birthday to you. _

“Welcome to the Mighty Nein!” Kiri shouted. Everyone began to laugh as Nott started to cut the cake with a dagger. 

But despite all the happiness and warmth around him, he felt chilled and distant. His vision blurred slightly and everyone sounded like they were miles away. 

“Light them up, pretty,” an all too familiar voice whispered into his ear. 

His vision was taken over by flames dancing all around him. All he could hear at first was the roaring of the flames, but his ears quickly adjusted to also pick up the screams of agony as he watched his childhood home burn down. 

“Good,” a voice he hadn’t heard in years but could never forget said as a hand was placed on his shoulder. He turned to look at Trent Ikathon and saw that the mage was wearing Molly’s coat, the flames reflecting in his eyes just like they had in real life. 

_ BOOM! _

Caleb shot up, reaching into his pockets for components before he focused in on the situation. He was alone in his bed in their house (Seriously, how did they end up being gifted a house in Xhoras of all places?) and it seemed to be storming outside. Instinctively, he knew that it was close to two in the morning. He needed to rest, but the dream he’d just had… it was going to be a challenge to fall back asleep to say the least. 

He spent the next thirty-four minutes doing everything he could think of to calm himself down. He started with the finger squeezes he’d learned in Rexentrom (“So you don’t walk around flapping like a pigeon,” Astrid had said.), but those did nothing. He then tried wrapping himself in all of his clothes and blankets, hoping for the pressure to calm him, but there just wasn’t enough weight. Even Frumpkin blepping, purring, and making biscuits did little to ease his mind. All he could think about was the image of everyone he cared for burning alive being reflected in Trent’s eyes, still wearing Molly’s coat. Rocking back and forth on the bed, he realized he’d never have a long rest at this length. 

Stealthily, he stepped out of his room and made his way towards where Nott and Yeza slept. It took him a little under nine minutes, but eventually he found the courage to knock. 

“Who is it?” the familiar voice of his dear friend whispered from the inside. 

“It’s just me,” he whispered back, “Everyone’s fine it’s all okay I just… go back to bed.” 

He didn’t hear the goblin move across the room, but she had to, because the door opened and she stared at him. 

“Are you alright, Caleb?” Yeza asked from where he was, sitting up in bed reading what looked like notes. 

“Ja,” Caleb muttered, “I just have been having trouble falling back asleep after I, um,” he trailed off, staring at his feet as he did so. 

“The storm is quite loud,” Yeza said pleasantly. Nott glanced back at her husband for a brief moment before turning her gaze back to Caleb. Though she didn’t say anything, he knew that she was aware that the storm wasn’t the issue. 

“We could try Weaver’s Work?” she suggested, the old code word sounding odd after months of not using them. 

“Ja.”

Like a well-oiled machine, they both jumped immediately to the tasks necessary for Weaver’s Work. Nott scurried back to the bed and began to position herself and the pillows so she could comfortably sit up. Caleb closed the door and wrapped his coats tightly around himself. Even Frumpkin seemed to know what was going on, jumping onto the edge of the bed and waiting. As soon as Nott was sitting up comfortably, Caleb curled up to half of his normal size. His head rested in her lap, and as she began to run her fingers through his hair, the magical cat jumped up onto his master’s side and began to make biscuits. In less than five minutes, the wizard was all but asleep.

“Ich liebe dich, Mutti,” he whispered as he finally fell asleep. 

Nott didn’t speak Zemnian, but she had picked up enough in the past year or so to know what he’d said. 

_ I love you, Mom.  _

She smiled down at him, watching the tension leave his muscles as he fell deeper asleep. 

“I love you too,” she whispered, brushing a strand of hair behind his ear. She could feel Yeza watching them, but this moment was too significant to be cut short. 

“Veth?” he asked after a long moment, “I-I know a lot happened when we were separated, and I get that a lot of it is probably too difficult to explain. But, um… what’s the deal with you two?”

She sighed, glancing back to the currently peaceful face of Caleb. How could she put into words everything that had transpired between them?

“Yeza, I know it’s crazy, but while we’ve been here, things have been pretty good,” she began, “At least, compared to how bad shit got when we were still in the Empire…”

She trailed off for a moment, thoughts of home and how far away they currently were taking over her brain for a moment. 

“After I escaped the goblins, there were a couple months where I was on my own. I was scared, I didn’t have anywhere to go, and I could barely control myself. It didn’t take long for me to get caught and arrested.”

“What did you do?” Yeza asked, his eyes wide.

“I stole some wine. Things were out of control back then.”

“So what changed?” he asked, seemingly nervous to hear what his wife had gotten up to.

“The first week was terrible. I was a monster and I acted like it. But one day, they threw this beggar into the cell next to me. I heard that he’d been trying to steal some bread, which adds up because he looked like he hadn’t eaten in a week. He was… jumpy. I remember how he sat in the corner of the cell, all curled up into himself, and if there was any noise, he’d freak out. I watched him for two days. I wasn’t sure what to do. I was a monster-“

“Veth, you’re-“

“I was, and everyone who saw what I was like then would agree,” she stated firmly before softening.

“He was so scared, Yeza. He looked like an adult, but all I could see was a scared little boy all alone in a cell. He had bad dreams then, too. The third night he was there I woke up to him crying and muttering in Zemnian. I didn’t know what to do, so I stuck my hand through the bars and started to run my fingers through his hair like I did for Luke when he couldn’t go to sleep.”

Yeza smiled softly at the mention of their son.

“We started talking and we realized that if we worked together, we might be able to get out of there. And we did. So we started traveling around, just trying to survive. We were con artists, and all our money went to food, books, and booze. We lived in the woods most of the time. Caleb knew how to find water, how to tell what berries weren’t poisonous, how to hide under a tree so the cold didn’t get to you.”

“He’s a smart man,” Yeza commented. She grinned at him.

“He really is. He’s taught me a lot this year. I’m very proud of how much he’s grown. And if any monster or demon or mage wants to get to him, they’ll have to go through me first.”

Yeza glanced down at the wizard laying in his wife’s lap, who crinkled his nose slightly before wrapping his arm around the little goblin. Her husband smiled, leaning forward to plant a kiss on her forehead.

“Thank you,” he whispered, “I think I understand now. You’re a great mom. No one’s gonna hurt him.”

“Not while I’m around,” she agreed, chuckling a little due to her name being in the sentence.

“Should we try to go to bed as well?” she suggested.

“That sounds like a good idea,” the chemist said as he blew out the light in the bedside lantern, “Good night.”

****

Jester was starting to get a little irritated with Caleb. They had planned to go out today in search of smutty bookstores and pastries. In order to travel all over the city, they’d agreed to leave by eight. It was now at least ten, and she couldn’t find him anywhere. As she fumed in the Happy Room, Fjord entered.

“Morning, Jessie.”

“Have you seen Caleb?” she asked. 

“No. Why, do you need something?”

“We were going to hang out, but he didn’t meet me where he said he would and he’s not in his room,” she huffed, “I can’t believe he ditched me!” 

Fjord sighed, running his fingers through his hair as he thought.

“Has anyone seen him?” he asked.

“No. Caduceus and Yasha haven’t, and Beau has been in the Training Room since sunrise.”

“What about Nott?”

“She and Yeza are still in bed. I heard them snoring; it was really loud.” 

“Maybe we should just check, in case Caleb told her something and forgot to mention it to you,” Fjord suggested.

“He has a perfect memory,” Jester huffed with her arms crossed, “But alright.”

They walked over to Nott and Yeza’s room. Fjord had expected Jester to have been exaggerating about the snoring but he could hear it from halfway down the hall.

“Holy shit; they’re loud as fuck,” he muttered.

“I know right?” Jester whispered as she bent down to attempt to hear through the keyhole, “It sounds like, you know, five people all snoring… and a cat?” 

Jester and Fjord turned to look at each other.

“Is it locked?” he whispered.

Jester turned the doorknob and the door opened slightly. She turned back to Fjord, who instinctively went in first. Jester followed right behind him, mentally preparing herself for what might be in the room.

“Oh my god!” she whisper squealed, “That is so cute!”

On the bed was what could only be described as a giant cuddle pile. Caleb was curled in a ball like a cat, his head nestled into Nott’s side. She had her arms wrapped around him while Yeza spooned her. And in the tiny bit of space between Yeza’s feet and Caleb’s knees sat Frumpkin purring up a storm. 

Jester turned to Fjord with a huge smile on her face.

“I’m not mad at Caleb anymore.”

Fjord chuckled.

“Should we let them be or do we stop the snoring?” he teased. Jester giggled a little before exiting.

“I’m going to grab sketchbook.”

Fjord smiled and followed her out.

****

Caleb stared out the dome towards the open field where he and Jester were keeping watch. Or, at least,  _ he _ was. Jester was rather preoccupied with her sketchbook, and it had been over twenty minutes since she’d even glanced up. 

“What all do you have in there that’s so interesting?” he asked. Her head popped out of the book to look at him.

“Oh, I’ve got a lot of cool stuff in here. I have my notes to the Traveler, my diary entries, my sketches. Do you wanna see some?”

“Ja,” he muttered politely. It wasn’t like he would miss much on watch given that he couldn’t see in the dark. Jester wiggled a little closer to him and began to flip to certain pages.

“So here’s Yarnball, and here’s Kiri saying ‘I miss you,’ and over here is Caduceus mediating, and that’s one of the cards Molly read my fortune with, and-“

“What’s that one?” he asked, cutting her off as he saw his own face for a brief moment. 

“Oh, that’s just a sketch from that day we went shopping,” she said as she flipped to the page in question. 

It was a sketch, very carefully done to ensure accuracy, of the night he’d gone to Nott after a nightmare. They all looked so comfortable, so serene, so… familial

“It’s wonderful, Jester,” he said. 

“Really?” she asked, grinning with excitement, “You really like it, Caleb?”

“Ja, I love it,” he mumbled, choking up just a touch toward the end of his sentence. 

Jester, to her credit, didn’t squeal so loudly that the whole party woke up. Instead, she wrapped him in a tight hug. Caleb tensed up instinctively upon contact.  _ Einleben  _ he thought to himself,  _ settle down _ . He allowed his muscles to relax in her grasp as he awkwardly patted her cheek. She released him from her grasp, still grinning. He smiled a small, subtle smile back at her, though he didn’t make eye contact

“You know, Caleb,” she said, “I know your parents aren’t around anymore, but I think it’s great that you’ve got another mom.” 

Caleb looked over at Nott, who was fast asleep on the other side of the dome. He never really told her just how important she was to him. Talking about his feelings wasn’t exactly a strong suit, so he tried to keep it simple so he didn’t fuck it up. But not talking about his more complex emotions didn’t mean that he never felt them. He just broke them down until they were more manageable and told the group he was thinking about spells if they asked.

“Ja,” he whispered, a smile big enough to show teeth creeping onto his face, “Ja, I am very lucky.”

There was a lull in the conversation as Jester turned to her sketchbook and he went back to keeping watch. It was a comfortable silence, a rare occurrence considering the parties involved, but nice nonetheless. It lasted for twelve minutes before Jester spoke again.

“I’m going to ask Beau in the morning if the charcoal thing would work in my sketchbook, but if it doesn’t, you can have this page, Caleb.” 

“You don’t need to do that.”

“I know,” she said, turning to face him as she did so, “But I want you to have a copy. So you can hold it when you guys are separated.”

“Oh, Jester,” he whispered as he tried to hide the mistiness in his eyes, “You are too kind.” 

And it was at that point that Fjord woke up.

“Ready to switch?” he asked.

“Ja!” Jester whispered as she unrolled her bedroll.

Fjord glanced at the Zemnian speaking cleric and then the misty eyed wizard, clearly confused.

“What the hell have you two been up to?” 

Caleb smirked. He was very aware of the way Jester and Fjord felt about each other, and it amused him to imagine his friend staying up all night worrying if his crush liked  _ him  _ of all people.

With that mental image, he began to make his way towards Nott, taking his coat off as he did so. He laid down next to her and threw the coat on top of the both of them so they had a blanket. As soon as his head settled down near her shoulder, he felt an arm wrap protectively around him. Caleb smiled as he drifted off to sleep.

As long as he had Nott, nothing could hurt him. As long as he had her, he was safe.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Well, there it is! I hope you enjoyed my first CR fic. Please tell me what you thought; I really wanna get some feedback so I can get better! Thanks in advance!


End file.
